Why ethical non-monogamy is AWESOME & worth the effort
Get a Ethically Non-Monogamous mug for your friend Sarah. who does not subrscribe to the cultural or relational norms of monogamy, but is. Non-monogamy (or nonmonogamy) is an umbrella term for every practice or philosophy of intimate relationship that does not strictly hew to the standards of. I was the partner that needed convincing to open up our relationship to ethical non-monogamy. And now I think ethical non-monogamy is.
He loves me and supports me and respects me. He sees me at my worst and still wants to spend his life with me anyway. It would be unimaginable to me to hide the nature of our relationship, to pretend that he is merely a friend or roommate, to not have him by my side at weddings and funerals and family holiday gatherings.
But this is exactly what people are expecting of me when they ask why I feel the need to be so "open" about my "private business. Many share homes in configurations like ours, or as committed triads or quads or complex networks of five or more.
Non-monogamy - Wikipedia
Many have deep and lasting relationships with no cohabitation at all. To project traditional conceptions of love and commitment onto these relationships, to view them only as a slight variation on monogamy, is to deny all of the many varied ways that polyamorous people form relationships and families.
If you have polyamorous friends, relatives, or acquaintances, please don't make assumptions about their lives based on what you think all non-monogamous configurations look like. Let them tell you how they define their relationships.
And if they identify multiple people as their partners, don't try to read into who is more important than whom, imagining hierarchies even if you're told there are none. Though it might not fit with how you conceptualize love, offer polyamorous relationships the same validation that you would offer any other.
It is a broad term that brushes over relationship models that appear complete opposites of monogamy. I don't care much for the term because those relationships have their own umbrella term that doesn't seem to dismiss monogamy as a potential relationship model.
The best umbrella terminology to go by is open relationships, in my opinion.
Polyamorous Relationships Are About More Than Just Couples | HuffPost
The best definition to date is from Wikipedia of course! This can be contrasted with its opposite, monogamy, and yet may arise from the same psychology. Swinging is by far the most known emerging lifestyle. This lifestyle is known to be a recreational activity that married couples take part in.
That means their relationship or marriage is open to extramarital sexual experiences. They are the primary and the only couple, thus monogamous. Often, the rule they undertake is that the couples are the primary sexual partners and life partners, therefore the outside sex is sex only and no romance.
This varies from couple to couple. There are people who enjoy friendships with people they become sexually involved with usually comes with the term friends with benefits. Then there are those who prefer to keep it casual and leave emotions out of it. My experience in swinging has been that there are always boundaries you must keep because you have your own comfort zone when it comes to going outside of the relationship.
I enjoyed this lifestyle because I had the opportunity to explore my bisexuality with my partner; which is something for another article.
Okay, we all know about swinging. Get on with the polyamory thing. At the very basic and simplest that I can put it, polyamory means multiple loves.
The most obvious and well-known fact is that the term polyamory is actually a mixture of Greek and Latin.
For that, I turned to The Ethical Slut. The Ethical Slut has all kinds of advice and exercises for individuals and couples who want to be non-monogamous ethically. The communication techniques it teaches are so useful and valuable that I sometimes want to force it on my monogamous friends. It taught me that I had been using "I statements" wrong for years! I found the comparison to friendship to be quite helpful I have a large circle of friends with whom I am as close as my boyfriend.
Why ethical non-monogamy is AWESOME and totally worth the extra effort
He pointed out that I could have strong feelings for more than one of them, so why not more than one romantic partner? People have multiples of them, and I have always assumed you can love more than one! Related Post The majority of people we've come out as a throuple to have said hurtful things, effectively shutting down what might've been a constructive conversation.
Read more Re-framing jealousy Another thing that helped me was the realization that being monogamous doesn't actually stop you from feeling jealous sometimes. When your boyfriend is visiting his ex for the weekend, you might feel jealous, even if nothing more than platonic is happening.
The process of opening my relationship let me re-frame jealousy. Jealousy became an indication to me that I had some desire for my relationship that wasn't being met. I guess I will ask him to plan that for me!