So… I'm fat! Still wanna meet up? - love conundrum resolved | Ask MetaFilter
Feabie is a social network and dating site for feeders, feedees, fat admirers and BBW/BHM. Others will like the video chat room, or commenting on photos. A mutual friend introduced us and we've been chatting on the phone. and basically asking 'Uh, can you u tell Anonymous Boy I'm fat plz?'. Now, I'm going to be blunt: dating can suck when you're fat. Ask five women what their ideal male build is and you'll get six different answers.
Third, don't ever tell anyone a number. And as for anyone who asks Maybe try to eat really healthy over the next few months. Try to do a bit more physical activity then usual and see what happens. Putting him off for months is just going to make this seem like an issue. Trying all kinds of fancy preparation plots is more likely to backfire on you or do you no favours. Figure out when you guys are going to get together, dress appropriately great idea to get a friend's input on outfit to make sure it flatters, since we all have blindspots in our wardrobesand show up confident that you are worthy of meeting other human beings as you are.
You can mitigate any concerns about being accused of misleading him regarding your size which would be silly, but we have to take reality into account by asking that you guys exchange recent photos so that you know precisely who to look for when you meet up, then make sure your pic is full-length or shows enough to get the idea across.
If he reacts poorly, his loss. I actually got all teary reading all the nice things everyone wrote. It's so easy to get trapped inside my head and just see things from one rigid perspective that it can be terribly hard to imagine there ARE other ways of looking at it. I really hadn't seen it before, but after reading all these responses, I think saying something about my weight is going to look like I'm ridiculously insecure and believe I have some terrible defect that needs confessing.
It might also make him think I look like Bubbles Devere.
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I do feel insecure and defective. But I'm pretty sure awkwardly broadcasting my deep-seated, neurotic, body loathing is going to be as much or more a turn off as the extra weight. So I'm just going to leave it be. But will think about digging up a decent, flattering, full body pic, or take one of myself if I have to, and either Facebook it or email it to him. Just in a casual ''Hey!
I was mucking around with the camera and the cat in the garden! As far as losing the weight goes, ironically, a medical scare has me living like a pretty good imitation of a healthy person for reasons entirely unrelated to my appearance. This is a first, believe me. I'm walking every day, cutting out chocolate and coffee and swilling green smoothies like my life depends on it.
I think I will just try and keep this up with the added incentive of, uh… radiance. To all the kind people who've suggested that I'm not that fat - I know I'm not humungous. But I have a tiny frame and I'm not wearing it well. Also, I didn't pile it on by eating too much spinach, you know? I've lived a pretty unhealthy life in the last few years.
I know you feel fat, but you're just not. I know you think you're an exception, you're unusually un-muscled and fluffy, but you're not. You're just not especially slender Which is the definition of normal. But, to go beyond definitions of normal -- healthy, attractive, desirable bodies come in all shapes and sizes.
This is not a lie. I met my husband when I was about your size, and he was blown away by how attractive I was. The parts of my body I loathed most, and thought were freakish and horrible and wrong, he literally adored. One-hundred pounds later, guess what Other people think I am physically attractive. I pass for "somewhat chubby, but basically normal" though according to the BMI I should be dead right now.
The problem you're having here is with your perception of yourself, and with what you assume his perception will be.FORCE M.D.s - FORCE M.D.s MEET THE FAT BOYS
In truth, you have no idea what his perception will be -- though it sounds as though he is predisposed to like you. Haven't you ever been attracted by someone's personality and had that halo effect spread until you find them physically attractive as well?
I bet he's not immune to this either. Here are the three possibilities for what he will think of you: You can't discount that possibility, but I think it is a small one, or else he would have INSISTED on you sending a full body preferably nekkid photo before deigning to speak with you further. You may think that's ludicrous, but it happens. Again, the possibility is small, and he likely would have mentioned his preference by now if it were a serious deal-breaker.
Before you invest a lot of time and travel and more emotional energy into this, you need to test your hypothesis which seems to be "he'll think I'm fat and gross if he knows what I look like. What you must do is send him an honest photograph of you that shows what your body looks like in clothes.
Although without them is also an option if that appeals to you. Make it a recent photograph that accurately reflects how you look now. DO NOT include with the photograph any apologies for what you look like, any mention of your weight, or how fat you think you look, or how unflattering or unrealistic the picture is. What I've done when I'm irrationally worried about flunking some test is promise myself that I will not beat myself up, that I will allow myself to call in sick to work and go do something frivolous and fun manicures, shopping, etc.
You must solemnly swear not to beat yourself up if the response is not what you want. The odds are well in your favour you will receive back a positive or even complimentary response.
If you don't, the problem does not rest with your body, but with his perception, and with society's perception that only a ridiculously narrow range of physical characteristics may be considered 'attractive. Someone who genuinely thinks you're hot shit is the only person who does. You've reached the point in your relationship where you need to know this, now. It is time to test your hypothesis with as much removed, pseudo-scientific objectivity as you can muster.
Hell, for all you know, he could be overweight, too! If you look anything like this 5'3" lb. I once met a girl off of Match.
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However, as I was exposed to more and more of who she was as a person over that date and a following one, she began to become very sexy to me. And this was precisely because I had no opportunity to let bias get in the way before meeting her. Quite a bit of it is boobs.
And belly and thighs. Send him a copy of Baby's Got Back and see how he reacts? That's not really a joking suggestion, either; a woman who made some laughing mention of carrying a few extra pounts - which, from your description of your wieght and shape, is all that you're doing - it wouldn't bother me or, I suspect, most men. On the other hand, if someone, metaphorically speaking, sat me down for a big serious conversation about being overweight, I'd build up an impression of vast size in my mind: I'd echo the people above who say "swap photos.
Finally, remember that, while men don't have the same degree of social pressure around our appearance as women although underwear ads and Men's health are working on it! Hairy back, spare tire, birthmark, penis, whatever. You won't be the only one going into this with some physical anxiety, I'm sure. Be as kind about his flaws as you want him to be about yours. She told him and they met and had a very hot affair which ended for reasons that had nothing at all to do with weight.
It doesn't matter; you feel self-conscious and you're afraid of rejection. If he is not attracted to you, it's much better to get this out of the way before you get way too attached. Have a friend take a bunch of pictures, and pick out one or two that are most flattering. I'd email it and say "Here's me and my cat! Unlike weight, this will never change. While dating online, I figured out that I had to send men a photo post haste or I'd get hurt quite a bit.
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And I did, but I don't hold it against the guys; you can't really control to whom you're attracted. They might not have liked me anyway, even if my spine was normal, because I have short hair or small breasts. So even if he says "no thanks," do NOT take it as a reflection of your self-worth.
He's not necessarily an asshole, but neither are you unattractive. And I was convinced that he wouldn't want me. Who in their right mind would think I'm desirable or lovable? And to shut the fuck up about being fat and let him decide for himself if he liked me. I actually cried after I hit send, I was so convinced I'd never hear from him again. He was still talking to me after I sent the pics. And teasing me about sending less PG photos.
So after a bit of back and forth and teasing and flirting I took some very mildly saucy pics with some cleavage and sent them. I was a bit less scared, but still pretty nervous. I've never done anything like that before. And then we met. Turns out we didn't have to wait til March, in the end.
And spent four days in bed with him telling me how hot I am and how much he loved my boobies. I think he's pretty sexaaaay too. I've never felt beautiful or sexy or wanted or desired before, but I do now. I'm tearing up writing this. Seriously, everyone who answered this question really helped me find the courage to act as though I'm worth loving and kissing and making sexy-time fun with, despite a life-long burden of shame and loathing about my body.
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And because of it, I met the best, most awesome wonderful amazing guy, in the history of the world, ever. I'm pretty sure, without the outpouring of kindness and support from AskMe I would have done my best to sabotage things cos I was so convinced of my own ugliness and unworthiness.
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