What to do when you are in a codependent relationship

How to Fix an Addicted and Codependent Relationship | Willingway

what to do when you are in a codependent relationship

Do you feel trapped in your relationship? Are you the one that is constantly making sacrifices in your relationship? Then you may be in a codependent. How to End a Codependent Relationship. A codependent relationship can manifest in many ways: you may feed into your partner's alcoholism or be a people. There are a lot of different ways relationship problems can manifest, but codependency can be a particularly tricky one to handle. If you realize.

It is true that love is unselfish.

How to End a Codependent Relationship: 15 Steps (with Pictures)

When we have children, their needs have to come before ours. We are not going to let our baby cry for hours from hunger in the middle of the night because we feel like sleeping when the baby would rather be awake and eating. We will drive our children around to activities when we are tired or would rather be doing something else. Acting responsibly as a parent is part of what it means to love our children.

what to do when you are in a codependent relationship

However, when we always put the other first in our adult relationships, at the expense of our own health or well-being, we may be codependent.

About Codependency Codependency is a learned behavior. We watch the actions of our parents when we are children.

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Children who grow up with emotionally unavailable parents also are at risk for being codependent. They often find themselves in relationships where their partner is emotionally unavailable, yet they stay in the hopes that they can change the person.

The subconscious hope is that the other person will see all the love we give and be inspired to change. We believe that if we just hang in there and give our love, understanding, and support, we will finally get the love that we desired from our parents.

what to do when you are in a codependent relationship

This thinking is destructive if we do not have healthy boundaries that protect us from physical or emotional harm and signal to our partner that their abusive behavior is not acceptable. The worst part is when we do not realize what is going on and continue to live in a loveless partnership because we have never learned what a good partnership looks like.

Codependent people do not believe that they are worthy of love, so they settle for less. Often, they find themselves taking mental, emotional, physical, and even sexual abuse from their partner. People who are codependent often look for things outside of themselves to feel better.

A person with codependent tendencies may find themselves in an intimate relationship with a person who has addiction issues that cause them to be emotionally unavailable. Their partner or they themselves may be workaholics or develop some other compulsive behavior to avoid the feeling of emptiness in the relationship. This is easier in the short term than looking within and dealing with emotions.

If you honestly say that you agree with the following statements, you may be codependent. You tend to love people that you can pity and rescue. You feel responsible for the actions of others. You do more than your share in the relationship to keep the peace.

what to do when you are in a codependent relationship

You are afraid of being abandoned or alone. You need approval from others to gain your own self-worth. You have difficulty adjusting to change.


You have difficulty making decisions and often doubt yourself. You are reluctant to trust others. Your moods are controlled by the thoughts and feelings of those around you. Codependency is often seen in people with borderline personality disorder BPDalthough this does not mean all people with codependency issues also meet the criteria for a diagnosis of BPD.

You quietly take on extra responsibilities around the house or in parenting your children because your partner is always under the influence. You risk your own financial future by loaning money to your partner to cover debts incurred from substance abuse.

what to do when you are in a codependent relationship

Addiction impairs judgement and critical thinking skills. They become codependent, relying on each other not for love and care, but for relief from insecurity.

Why do people get into codependent relationships?

5 Signs You're in a Codependent Relationship

Holly Danielsa clinical psychologist in Los Angeles. A study in The American Journal of Family Therapy found that those who perceived conflict between their parents growing up were more likely to become codependent in adulthood. In codependent relationships, givers have anxious attachment styles—they define themselves by their relationship, and will do whatever it takes to stay in it, according to Daniels.

Takers, she says, tend to have avoidant attachment styles, meaning they try to avoid emotional connection at all costs. They make exceptions for anxiously attached people, however, because they get much more out of the relationship than they have to put in. Givers and takers are drawn to each other — often subconsciously, says Daniels. Over time, givers wear themselves out as they fight for the reassurance they may never get from the taker, while the takers continue avoiding their emotions and taking responsibility for their actions.

One question you should ask yourself is: If the answer is most of the time, Daniels says your relationship is probably codependent. Other signs of codependency include putting your partner on a pedestal, idealizing that person despite his or her faults and making excuses for your loved one when he or she neglects important tasks.

The person with the addiction can neglect his or her partner in the process, while the other may feel the need to give more to that person out of fear, guilt, or habit, according to Beattie.